MY JOURNEY

MY JOURNEY

Part 1

“PENDIDIKAN KHAS…TAK ADA MASA DEPAN”..The sentence still lingers in my ears. The memory is still fresh. I still remember..One of a teacher that I know told me that when I applied to be in Special Education team.  Even though it was years ago, back in 2006 still I remember it. Yes, I do not blame her. It was quite tough, very challenging and I did not know where to start. How can I be a dedicated, efficient and excellent teacher? How am I going to teach them, the kids?

I was afraid that I won’t be able to teach them. I was anxious that I would not be able to add up values and educate the children. I would not get anything and certainly the children would not benefit from me.

Again, I did not blame my colleague. Back then; she was just voicing her opinions. I am an English Language optionist. Back then; I was quite active already, being the judges for story telling and spelling bee competition in the district. And others. I guess I am the kind of person who loves to learn and be better everyday. I was considered as a young, new and energetic teacher and has a very bright future in line. Woow..I guess my previous headmistress notions are still on the ground.

The DECISION.

It was quite hard. Frankly I was applying to be transfered for almost two years. And even after I involved in a road accident, had few major operations and hospitalised. I started to apply for transfer everytime I got the chance. I also need to go to hospital for follow up treatments. I have all these solid reasons but my application was still rejected. A day came when I received a call from JPN suggesting that I transferred to Special Education. Special Education? What is that? I don’t know. Yes. I have rejected the offer. As I told earlier I don’t know a thing about Special Education. I was anxious.

I kept applying to be transfered while working normally. I was just finished with English Language zone activity, attended BTN course for almost a week and need to attend a meeting in PPD Hilir Perak for SU Peperiksaan regarding UPSR.

Tiredness overcomes me even though I had thought that I would be extra careful after the first accident. Again I was in road accident. No major operation this time but I was hit a lorry on the left and a car on the right. The car was almost out! My fault.

This is when I have made my decision. Yes I do not care whether I am going to be transferred to Special Education as long as I’m going to stay in Ipoh, and I do not have to travel a journey like going to KL to be back home every weekend. I started to search for info...seek opinions..and istikharah..is it the best?..Alhamdulillah.. I got the answer.

Once, I have made my mind. It became perplexing. It was not easy. Even after a signed transfer document by JPN Director, still some woud not agree. Among of others… I had to make long distance calls. I had to confront certain people. I had interview and was shown not so good video about Special education teachers’ attitude.  I need to sign the integrity promise, if I may say so…I need to be in Special Education for at least three years.

The day came. I was finally a teacher for my kids. I was entrusted to be the class teacher even my posting was in midyear.. ..Certainly there should be somebody appointed as the class teacher so as I believed. But the class was given to me..My senior truthfully said...Yes, Be it, she is a graduate teacher..’Bagi kat dia’..

It was quite strenuous. I was way back mentally and physically exhausted. There was no PPM at that time and me with any theoritical knowledge on how to teach and deal with the children. My first special class inclusive of Autis, Down and Mentally Retarded.  I had Autistic Malay boy, Down syndrome Chinese girl and Malay and Chinese boys as well as Mentally Retarded Chinese girl,

Yes..”I have all them all, boy and girl, tall and short, fair and dark.”...once I used to tell my friends as I don’t have kids..but still I have many of them.  I have all the responsibilities to take care and educate them to be a better person. Nothing is similar but yet nothing is different from my days in teaching normal stream children. I still want my kids to be excellent at their level.

My Down syndrome Malay boy was quite naughty. He is so intelligent on playing tricks and running away till the third floor of the school. My Autistic boy would like to be a tarzan. He would shouts, laugh and cries in all of sudden. My Mentally Retarded girl would just sit and need to be pull to even make a move. My Down syndrome Chinese boy is so hard to please seem nice but would pinch his friends. My Malay Down girl is just sweet and likes to get attention by all means.

Well..they are just enough to make my day compared to my 35 pupils in a class. Every one likes to get my attention. Every one needs unique approach. Every one likes different things.   Every one needs individual teaching and learning activities. Every one is unique. I would yawn and feels reckless. I was tired on how to make my children understand what I’m trying to tell them.

One day (during my early days as Special Education teacher) after just finished a long sessions and periods with the kids, I thought of sitting down and do some work in the room where teacher sits when they are not in class. (There was no staff room. We just sit where there is space or just are in the class with the kids). Not after few minutes I was called by a man teacher. …….berak.. A man teacher called a lady to settle it, the class teacher!…An Autistic of 10 years old who is quite a size at his age.

……. Had came out of the class by this time, crying. He seems uncomfortable and wiggle his bottom to let ‘it’ go. It was scattered on the floor in front of the room. I rushed out and walk him to the toilet. I got him clean. The toilet floor was spoiled with motions. I had to spray his clothes. The toilet too. As I thought I have cleared everthing, then I saw fingerprints with of course marks of it. Oh my gosh..Do not talk about the smell. I am only relieved I have cleaned the mess and settled at last, that I can find clean and dry clothes for him. (That is why we need our kids to have extra school uniforms in their bag every day).

It was quite stressful. I was not being able to express myself. I feel like I was the frog. As the Malay proverb says “Katak di bawah tempurung”.  It’s being a while and I feel of no use to my kids, the organization and even myself.

Yes, I was at that stage. Exhausted, mentally and phyisically. Maybe I am not the kind of person who loses hopes easily. And I was blessed in learning new things quite fast. From that moment on, I tried..and still I am. Learned from the seniors, colleagues, books and Internets.  I would not ever say No to given tasks. I would stay up late on planning the teaching and learning activities, preparing for my lesson and the worksheets. I would seek opportunities to go for course. I would learn whereever and whenever I have the chance. It is not easy. There are so many obstacles throughout the way…indeed. It’s being a while. This year is my 8^th years in Special Ed. Not that long compared to my 3 years in Secondary school and 2 years in primary school for normal stream. But still, I have a very long way to go. I have so many things to study and learn.

I want to educate my kids, I am trying to learn, be better as from what I was so that I could be an efficient teacher to my kids…sharing knowledge with my fellow colleagues and be beneficial to the organization as a whole. My kids are my investment here and thereafter.

“I am in competition with no one. I have no desire to play the game of being better than anyone. I am simply trying to be better than the person I was yesterday. Alhamdulillah, Allah has given me the energy and will to do that. InsyaAllah”.